she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
being pregnant is like rehab
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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