i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
