Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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