Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
