dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
