I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I deserve this hangover.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
