i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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