I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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