I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
