I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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