My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
