2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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