sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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