I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize