they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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