DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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