one word: firstdatebathroomanal
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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