I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize