his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
