How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize