Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Sponge bath it is.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
