Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
