I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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