I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
All the doctor said was why
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
