she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
