I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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