does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
