When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
