I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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