one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You ate ashes out of my bong
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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