I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
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