I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
