hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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