Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
