The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
