When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
