Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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