i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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