i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
