Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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