so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
