Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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