Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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