Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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