did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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