About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
