I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
