I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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