Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
