I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
