All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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