I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
