Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
