You really coming over, don't trick.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
