You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
