also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
