Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
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