then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Damn victory sex feels great
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