He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
