Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
