I smell stomach acid.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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