the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
