he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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