before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
