dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
