There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I would ride that face into the sunset
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
