Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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