So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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