I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
