I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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