haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
